Thursday, September 6, 2007

Whiskers on Kittens

Dear Universe,

I realize that I was more than snarky for most of yesterday. I feel repentant. Sort of.

Don't take away any more of my brownie points -- I know you already know my transgressions. I list them at my own peril.

Yes, I complained about my neighbor's dogs, retelling the story about the time that a door to door exterminator rang the bell and I asked if, as part of their new customer special, they could include dogs in the package that sent my ants and spiders to arthropod heaven. I gleefully laughed about it all over again.

I whined about the stupid things that people I know are doing, right this minute.

I did impressions of some of my work mates. Mean impressions, that, upon reflection, probably did not illuminate their better sides. I suppose that even though they share most of their DNA with monkeys does not actually mean that they are monkeys.

While I did have a beer in my hand by 3:45 pm, and it may have been my second beer of the afternoon, I am not entirely certain that this warrants apology. I leave it to you, universe, to decide that. In my own defense, though, I did go to work extra early yesterday and studies show that getting out of bed early can be detrimental to one's health. I'm just sayin'. Maybe my heart was hurting.

After listening to several hours of Rage Against the Machine, eating 2.3 panninis, crunching up 4 pounds of ice with my teeth and doing some therapeutic vacuuming, I've come up with a list of things that I both like and appreciate. Which, according to my calculations, should just about right the balance of foul stinking negativity that I ash clouded into the world yesterday.

Toaster Pastries - Filled with cheesy goodness and pre-packaged with tiny tubes of frosting, they guarantee a good start to a happier day. Eat two for best results.

Cherry Pie Filling - Need I say more?

Hurricane Leftovers - Sure, big storms with scary names like Dean and Henriette make ruin in their paths. You would too, if saddled with names like Henriette and Dean. Once they work out all that wrath upon the coast and reach Arizona, they are mild mannered little pussy cats, with hearts made of gooey chocolate chip cookies and rain that caresses, not catastrophizes.

The Hardiness of Mint - It survives the boot camp that is my backyard and thrives. Chewed on by ants? No problem. Infested with aphids? Pshaw! Too much sun? So? Not enough water? Who cares. Still delicious in mojitos? But of course.

$4.99 six packs of beer at Trader Joe's AND $3.00 bottles of Chilean wine - Why yes, I do have good taste in cheap alcohol. You aren't the first to say so. Tee-hee. Hic.

The funky imported Asian tea aisle - I didn't know I needed Lotus Placenta Tea. But I did.

Jilebi -- After six beers and a backyard bonfire, shouting the guttural pronunciation of this pan fried donut is only made better when attempting to spell it. In an accent. Loudly.

An inside joke about fermented tiger penis - You know who you are.

The flowing ink from a fountain pen - Even better if it ends in a feather.

Wind chimes made out of bottlecaps - What they lack in noise they make up in the awesome fact that each one topped a beer that I drank.

Many other things, too. Make your own list.